top fiveish: top five (possibly) irrational fears

the other day, i was talking with some of my friends about neurosis. one of my friends is afraid of horses.  another is afraid of mice.  and another is afraid that something's going to happen to her when she's away from home and people are going to find out how messy her house is.  (this isn't actually as silly as i first thought, because when my mother came to tend to me while i had the stomach flu, i was intensely relieved that my house was clean and i wasn't caught lying about in squalor.)

so in the spirit of this, i present to you my top five (possibly) irrational fears.





5.  leaf bugs and stick bugs

i don't know what it is about stick bugs and leaf bugs that bothers me so much.  (i honestly just got the heeby-jeebies writing those words. ugh.)  i would actually rather wake up to a spider crawling across my pillow than a stick bug.  whenever we go to the zoo together, my sister turns my face away from the insect display with a giant stick bug in it, because i never remember where it is and she probably doesn't want me to lose my mind in the middle of the zoo.  and believe me, i would lose my mind.  once upon a time, i was trapped in my apartment by a leaf bug.  this is a true story.  i was living with my sister at the time, and our apartment complex was surrounded by trees.  i was home alone and opened the door to go do something-- run an errand, take out the trash, i don't know.  and there, outside my door, on the rail of the stairs, was a leaf bug.  a big, huge, green, red-eyed thing.  i immediately slammed the door and hid, periodically checking outside to see if it was still there.  eventually, i determined that i really must leave, so i armed myself with a broom and ventured forth.  when i nudged the bug with a broom, it flew at me.  at me.  and i am not ashamed to admit that i screamed.  full-on screamed, like i was being attacked by a rabid wolf.




4. birds getting caught in my hair

this has never happened to me before in my life, so i really don't know where this fear comes from.  i don't mind looking at birds through windows.  far from it-- i think they're absolutely lovely.  but i'm afraid to get near birds because i am terrified that one is going to somehow get caught in this nest of hair i have.  i don't know why.  (did you know fabio once got hit in the face by a seagull?  true story.)



3.  earthquakes (but not for the reason you think)

i think earthquakes are a perfectly legitimate fear, what with the mess of them we've been having lately.  but the fear that i'm referencing here is not a fear that an earthquake is going to come and destroy my happy city.  no.  what i'm afraid of is that it's going to come in the middle of the night and i'm going to have to go running outside in my underwear.  yep.  (now that i think about it, i have a similar fear of falling and knocking myself unconscious while taking a shower.  hmm.)



2.  clockwork robots

not regular, digital-age robots so much, but i have a mortal fear of clockwork robots. this fear was discovered when i was playing a computer game called City of Heroes.  i was perfectly okay fighting the squishy, fly-ridden zombies.  no problem.  but when a clockwork robot popped up, i freaked out and got out of there as fast as i could, with a serious case of the heeby jeebies.  bleh.  i don't know what about them freaks me out so much, but oh, i do not like them.  no no no.  unfortunately, this means i have to avoid most steampunk-related things and have been strictly forbidden from watching Hellboy II.




1.   krakens/sea monsters/forgotten dinosaurs

i'm afraid of water.  one reason that i'm afraid of water is because i have nearly drowned on multiple occasions.  another reason that i'm afraid of water is because i'm afraid there is a monster in there.  let's be honest.  there's a lot of freaky stuff living in the ocean.  how, exactly, do we know that there are not krakens, sea monsters, or long-forgotten toothy sea-dinosaurs living down there?  hmm?  and how do we know that said krakens, sea monsters, or long-forgotten toothy sea-dinosaurs don't have smaller cousins living in the depths of particularly murky lakes?  we don't know.  and you can't convince me that we do.  i will be staying safely on the shore, thank you very much.  fully-dressed, in case there's a natural disaster, and wearing a large hat with which to frighten away seagulls.

top fiveish: top (bottom?) five least favorite words

5.  anything "ista":  ugh, the trend that needs to die.  it started with "fashionista," and then everyone started picking it up and doing obnoxious things with it.

4.  topping:  this was a recent discovery. i don't mind reading this word, but i can't stand actually hearing it or saying it.  i don't know what it is, exactly, but there's just something about it that makes me vaguely nauseated.

3.  guesstimate:  oh my gosh.  this is not a word.  it has no business being a word.  wherever people use the word "guesstimate," they could be more accurate using either "guess" or "estimate."  but no.  they put in this mutated monstrosity instead.  it makes me twitch a little.  (and while we're at it, let's eliminate the indecisive use of and/or.  sometimes, in legal contexts, it is necessary.  i understand this.  but outside of legal contexts, please just be decisive.  please, don't mash things together.  pick one and go with it.)

2.  cupcake:  this has old roots, going back to the first grade.  every day, we would gather on the carpet in the corner of the classroom where there was a letter chart and my teacher would point to a letter.  (this was done with along stick with a pencil eraser on the end.  i don't know why i remember that.)  we would all say the sound of the letter she pointed to.  whenever she headed in the direction of the K, i would cringe.  the sound she made for K... it was something sticky and cloying and just... ugh.  no.  nonono.  so although i love cupcakes themselves, i loathe word for its overabundance of K sounds. 

1.  blurb:  this word sounds obscene to me.  it's just... gastric.  gastric is the right word, i think.  it sounds like the sound your stomach makes when you've eaten something awful and are about to bow down before the porcelain throne and give up your offering.  "blurb!"  ew.  it's a word i've run into a lot at work, and i'm diligently working to have it obliterated.  i've started referring to the things that were previously called "blurbs" as "bites," and at least one of the new hires has started doing the same, so my plan appears to be working.  mwah ha.  MWAHAHAHAHA.

top fiveish: retro commercials that get stuck in my head

these are the commercial jingles that pop into my head every so often. (or every... extremely often for the top few.) sometimes all it takes is a word or a few familiar notes, and there it is. (there's another one that i couldn't find a clip for. it was a cover girl nailslicks commercial for like... ice cream colors. "chocolate marshmallow toes... lemon freeze SO cool... i nearly froze. grape ice is nice, strawberry shakes me too. don't freeze me out, i'm meltin'... over you.")

top fiveish: top five most awesomest shows ever (when i was eight)

for today's top fiveish, we're going to take a look at my favorite tv shows from when i was a kid.  (it was remarkably hard to narrow it down to five.  well... six. okay, seven.  i may revisit this list later.)  read on!  you know you want to. 

top fiveish: my top five favorite earth-related things

happy earth day! to celebrate forty years of earth-loving tree-hugging, today's top fiveish will be my top five favorite earth-related things.  (i know, it's a really vague category, but what do you want from me? logic?)