does this count as booday?: my phone is possessed.

my phone has a problem.  i think that it may have the brain of an adolescent boy.  that, or it's possessed by some evil spirit that thinks it's funny to make my life difficult. 

i have the predictive text feature turned on when i text message.  sometimes this makes things a lot faster and easier.  other times, not so much.  here are just a few of the most common issues.

i type in: just

it predicts: 5878

i type in: out

it predicts: Mtv

i type in: care

it predicts: barf

i type in: happy

it predicts: gassy

yes, you read those last two right.  which means that if i want to create a kind message that says "i care that you are happy," i end up with this:

and if i enter the name of my sister jen, i have to cycle through ken, leo, and len before arriving to it.  how often do i say barf vs. how often i say jen?  pretty heavily weighted toward the jen side, i promise.

the other day, my friend told me that he wanted to hang out with my phone because he thought they would get along really well.  he said they'd already friended each other on facebook.  i wouldn't be surprised if my phone really did have a facebook account i didn't know about.  it's probably not safe for children.

and if i ever send you a message that says that i really barf that you're gassy, please remember that that's probably not what i mean to say.

unless it is.

update: hello again, mr. stomach flu.

i've been doing a lot of updates lately and slacking on everything else, i know. shame on me. and i've even been slacking on the updates. i've in fact been meaning to write this post for like two weeks now, but it just hasn't happened yet. (until now, at least. obviously.)

two weeks, ago, i came down with a nasty stomach bug. again. (you may recall that i had one about three months ago, too.  this was, however, not the stomach flu, as it was discovered that my mother was also sick at the same time i was.  the culprit? evil cottage cheese.)

i woke up feeling a little queasy, but went to work anyway. by an afternoon meeting, i was toast. i got sent home, where i took a two hour nap, watched too much buffy the vampire slayer on netflix, and then tried to go back to sleep.

sleep was not interested. sleep was on vacation somewhere and didn't even want to think about me. his weird cousin, Restless Dozing with Cracked-out Fever Dreams did decide to show up, though.  my fever dreams always involve trying to solve some ridiculous puzzle or completing some ridiculous task.  once i had to alphabetize my blankets.  this time, because i'd watched far too much buffy, i had to solve a buffy-centric puzzle.

it was ridiculous.

answer: pickle sandwich

eventually, around five in the morning, i got some rest.  i didn't go into work the next day, as i was still in an active state of dying.  i'd drunk all of my stomach-settling soda the day before and was out of stomach medicine, so i decided to take advantage of a brief period of feeling slightly less-dyingish and drag myself to the nearby drugstore.

it was not a fun experience, and i was not looking like my loveliest self, let me just tell you.  i wandered around the store for a bit looking like a bleary-eyed troll. eventually i found what i had come for-- Pepto Bismol, Sprite, and a pack of saltines, the classic "my stomach is going to kill me" food.

i made my way up to the checkout counter and stood in line, swaying a bit because my legs had atrophied due to the stomach plague.  i stood there for a few minutes.  then a few more.  and then i realized that there were two store clerks at the same cash register discussing sale prices with a woman with a full cart of groceries.  i was at a drug store, people.  who on earth goes grocery shopping at a drug store?  and who stands there talking about whether the 4 oz bottle of toothpaste is on sale or if it's just the stand-up 4.5 oz bottle of the same toothpaste that's on sale? and let me emphasize something here-- i was looking rough.  i was holding stomach medicine and two other stomach-settling implements.   

clearly i was not well.  clearly i was the one who actually needed to be helped and sent on my merry way before i collapsed into a heap of squishy misery and caused some kind of outbreak.  but no. oh, no.  i waited for an eternity (okay, probably like five more minutes, but still) before i finally, in my cranky brenda-is-sick-and-grumpy voice, said "oh for crying out loud," put my stuff on the counter without purchasing it, and reeled out of the store in the most dignified manner i could.

i still needed my medicine stuff, of course.  and i still looked dreadful, and i still have some sense of dignity, so i went to the creepy grocery store on the corner instead of going to one of my usual stores.  it was creepy, but whatever.  i totally blended there.  and at least i left with pink chalky goodness in tow.

booday: everybody (backstreet's back)

this is a flashback for all my fellow twentysomethings out there. you think thriller's the only halloween music video? the backstreet boys beg to differ.

backstreet's back, yo.



sidenote: you get bonus points in the Book of Brenda if you can guess who my favorite backstreet boy was. because yes, i had a favorite.

hang in there

i've been thinking a lot about this subject lately. i know this blog is, for the most part, about food and amusing stories and random bits of this and that. i don't know where this post will fit into the general tone of the blog, and i debated for a while about whether i should write it or not. but in the end, i feel like i can't not write it right now.

i've struggled with depression for the majority of my life. i have a hard time remembering a time when i didn't feel it now and then. as i got older, my diagnosis of clinical depression was changed to a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.  things were rough-- not only for me, but the people i loved and affected.  things got really rough in college.  after i graduated, things went on a pretty rapid spiral downwards and i hit absolute rock bottom somewhere around March 2007.  and then i stayed there for a while.

i don't want to go through too many details, but suffice it to say that things were dark for me.  "dark" is the only word i can even think of to describe it, and even that doesn't quite describe it all.  i thought, many times, about how much easier it would be to end things-- easier for me, easier for the ones i loved.  but because of... i don't even know what-- friends, family, god, myself, some combination of all these things-- i didn't do it.  i never took that last step.

and now, i look at my life and i am thankful every day that i decided to stay.

i know that there are countless people around the world who are feeling that same kind of darkness i went through and who are having those same thoughts-- that it would be easier, better.  that there's no point in staying.  that things are only going to get worse from here.  and i can tell you, with absolute honesty, that you're wrong.  you're wrong.  

things do get better.  i can't even express how much better they get.  a year from now, five years from now, twenty years from now, amazing things are going to happen to you-- things that right now you can't even dream of.  you can make them happen.  you have more power than you realize.  maybe right now things are terrible.  maybe right now it seems like nothing could ever get better and that you're never going to get out of this hell you're in.  but just wait.  please, just wait.  stick around and wait and see what great things are in store for you.  wait and see how powerful you really are and who you can become.

you're not alone in this.  there are people out there who want to help you if you only ask.  you don't have to go through this by yourself.  talk to someone.  find someone who will listen.  they're out there.

things will get better for you.  i cross my heart.

update: brenda vs. nature

my three lovely sisters and i are doing something called the eowyn challenge-- specifically the walk to rivendell.  we're planning to walk 458 miles (the distance from hobbiton to rivendell) in less then a year-- about ten miles a week.  today was day one.  the weather was a bit cooler than it has been recently, so i decided hey!  i'll go for a walk at lunchtime!

 it looked like it might start raining outside, but i (being a former girl scout), am always prepared.  i had a little black umbrella in my bag and i thought surely i would be fine if it started sprinkling.  sure enough, not too long after i started on my walk, it started raining.  but it was no problem!  undaunted, i opened up my little umbrella and continued on my pleasant autumn stroll.

and then the rain was joined by its rude little friend, Freakishly Strong Gusts of Wind.  and F.S.G.W (or "FissGew") does not LIKE little black umbrellas.  oh, no.  it feels that all little black umbrellas must immediately be destroyed, and before i knew it, with a mighty "fa-SHWUMP," my umbrella flipped inside out.  INSIDE OUT.  LIKE IN A CARTOON. 

but i would not be stopped.  i turned my umbrella right side out again and continued on.  F.S.G.W. was extremely offended by my pluck and vigor and decided to attack me with its full brute force.

auntie em, auntie em!

i made it to my destination-- a bookstore close to my office-- and hid out with a cup of hot cider for a little while, waiting out the rain and wind.  when the rain stopped, i ventured outside.  aaand, surprise surprise, it immediately started raining again.  but i made it the rest of the way back to the office, damp and disheveled, but unconquered. 

in the battle of brenda vs. nature, there was a clear champion today.