hang in there

i've been thinking a lot about this subject lately. i know this blog is, for the most part, about food and amusing stories and random bits of this and that. i don't know where this post will fit into the general tone of the blog, and i debated for a while about whether i should write it or not. but in the end, i feel like i can't not write it right now.

i've struggled with depression for the majority of my life. i have a hard time remembering a time when i didn't feel it now and then. as i got older, my diagnosis of clinical depression was changed to a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.  things were rough-- not only for me, but the people i loved and affected.  things got really rough in college.  after i graduated, things went on a pretty rapid spiral downwards and i hit absolute rock bottom somewhere around March 2007.  and then i stayed there for a while.

i don't want to go through too many details, but suffice it to say that things were dark for me.  "dark" is the only word i can even think of to describe it, and even that doesn't quite describe it all.  i thought, many times, about how much easier it would be to end things-- easier for me, easier for the ones i loved.  but because of... i don't even know what-- friends, family, god, myself, some combination of all these things-- i didn't do it.  i never took that last step.

and now, i look at my life and i am thankful every day that i decided to stay.

i know that there are countless people around the world who are feeling that same kind of darkness i went through and who are having those same thoughts-- that it would be easier, better.  that there's no point in staying.  that things are only going to get worse from here.  and i can tell you, with absolute honesty, that you're wrong.  you're wrong.  

things do get better.  i can't even express how much better they get.  a year from now, five years from now, twenty years from now, amazing things are going to happen to you-- things that right now you can't even dream of.  you can make them happen.  you have more power than you realize.  maybe right now things are terrible.  maybe right now it seems like nothing could ever get better and that you're never going to get out of this hell you're in.  but just wait.  please, just wait.  stick around and wait and see what great things are in store for you.  wait and see how powerful you really are and who you can become.

you're not alone in this.  there are people out there who want to help you if you only ask.  you don't have to go through this by yourself.  talk to someone.  find someone who will listen.  they're out there.

things will get better for you.  i cross my heart.