happy thanksgiving!

yes, i know i'm a little late getting this up.  but i just wanted to... um... demonstrate that we should keep the spirit of thanksgiving in our hearts even after thanksgiving day.  yeah.  yeah, that's why i'm late getting this up.  totally not because i fail at blogging.

things have not been going the best these days, and i've found myself in a little bit of a slump.  so to help myself get out of said slump, i am going to think happy thoughts and write some of the things i am grateful for.

i am grateful for...

having family who lives so close.
my warm little apartment when it's cold outside.
my fluffy duvet and my favorite pillow.
having been taught the importance of family.
my job.  it's busy.  it's stressful.  but i know i'm doing something good.
my education.
my mind.
the people who listen to me ramble.
the people who ramble at me.
being able to help people.
people who have helped me.
books.
my talents.
cinnamon, because seriously, it's the best.
people who have given me a chance.
the experiences in my life that have helped me grow.
the chance to make up for mistakes.
a mother and a father who love me, even when they don't understand me.
siblings who i can call friends.
my car.
my freedom of choice.
my freedom of belief.
lightbulbs.
inside jokes.
bad days, because it means i can tell the difference between good days and bad ones.

gratuitous capitalism tuesday!

hello, friends!  i think i've mentioned black phoenix alchemy labs before.  they are looovely lovely and full of epic awesomeness.

if you're looking into the bpalness, i'm selling a bunch of my imps and full-sized bottles to fund a trip to go visit my sister in north carolina.  so take a peek and let me know if you're interested!  shipping prices will be determined based on where you are. full bottles are 5 ml, and are glass apothecary bottles. imps are little glass vials, approximately 1/32 of an ounce. that doesn't sound like a lot, but they last quite a while!

to find out what a scent smells like, check the bpal search engine here.

great literature: the zombie collection

i promised to post this a while back, and i kept forgetting.  i should have done it during the halloween season, but i was busy with... yanno.  halloween-type stuff.

a few years ago, i took a creative writing class.  most of the creative writing was poetry, and my professor wouldn't let us write any free verse.  everything we wrote had to be in a form.  at first, i grumbled a lot about it.  then i started to love it.

for some reason, i got this idea in my head that it would be cool to write strict form poetry with zombies as the subject matter.  it was kind of a geeky joke, writing structured poetry about something that was falling apart.  hurr hurr.  (yeah, i'm a geek.)  i only wrote eight of them that i really liked, so i am presenting them here.  don't steal them, or i will turn you into a zombie, okay?  okay.

update: evil november, why are you so evil?

oh man.  i have had the most insane november so far.  i am calling it a triumph that i even got out of my bed this morning.  let me try to break this down in in bulleted list.

• work: i don't know why anything surprises me anymore.
• gym: i'm doing it.  i really am.  i mentioned before that the lovely ladies in my family have a goal to each walk 450+ miles in under a year.  i broke down recently and got another gym membership.  you have to be sneaky about gym memberships, i've decided, or they tend to hound you.  so what i do is i sign up for the gym at one location and then i never go back there. i go to a different location, because i hate people trying to get me to sign up for a session with the personal trainer or like... keeping tabs on me or something.  i hate it.  anyway, i have been going to the gym three times a week, and because i go to one of the smaller locations, i have to get there before the after-work rush or else i won't get a working elliptical.  i'll get the one that sounds like an elephant.  so i have to flee from work and don't have much flexibility for staying late to catch up on things.  this makes life difficult.
• voting: oh my gosh. i waited in line for an hour and a half last tuesday to vote.  there is never a line like that for voting, unless it's a presidential vote.  my goodness.  good for america for being invested, i guess, but i was slightly homicidal by the time i got to the front of the line.  and they have electronic voting, so i didn't even get to take my aggression out on some chads.
• nanowrimo: WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?  (LISA TINGEY, I'M LOOKING AT YOU.) for those of you who are not familiar with nanowrimo, it stands for National Novel Writing Month.  the goal is to write a 50,000-word first draft in one month.  thirty days.  my friends lisa and shar are doing it, and lisa convinced me to join the madness.  MADNESS.  i'm way behind on my word count right now, but i'm further on my novel than i've ever been, so i suppose that's kind of the point, right?  the whole idea of nano is to just get the first draft out without worrying about whether it's horrible or not.  i suppose if you do that, sure you could probably get 50,000 words out in a month.  but i cannot do that.  i cannot let go.  i have to edit and polish things as i go.  it is just the way i roll, yo. i'm still aiming for the end of the month, but i figure that if i have my novel done by the new year, that's good enough.  i will have a full first draft of a novel, which is something i've never had before. 
• THE WORST LUCK EVER: on second thought, this bullet needs its own post.  so.  get excited about that.

in the kitchen: best lasagna ever

guys, i have no idea where my camera is.  okay, that's probably a lie.  it's probably in my car, but it's raining outside.  and it's cold.

hey, you know what's not raining or cold? lasagna!

note: this is not my lasagna. this is lasagna clipart i found on google. but we can pretend.

i'm serious, this lasagna is amazing.  it takes some serious commitment, but everything good takes a little time, right?

THIS IS HALLOWEEN THIS IS HALLOWEEN...

happy halloween!  okay, so i know yesterday was technically halloween, but really we should keep the spirit of halloween in our hearts all year round.  so happy halloween anyway!

no, i haven't disappeared off the face of the earth.  nor have i been eaten by werewolves, vampires, zombies, or any other sort of spooks. october was just busy busy busy for me and i didn't get to write as much as i would have liked. i promise to make up for it soon, though, with tasty recipes and tales of wonder.

but first... let's discuss something very important.

halloween costumes. click below for pictures and videos and other goodness!

does this count as booday?: my phone is possessed.

my phone has a problem.  i think that it may have the brain of an adolescent boy.  that, or it's possessed by some evil spirit that thinks it's funny to make my life difficult. 

i have the predictive text feature turned on when i text message.  sometimes this makes things a lot faster and easier.  other times, not so much.  here are just a few of the most common issues.

i type in: just

it predicts: 5878

i type in: out

it predicts: Mtv

i type in: care

it predicts: barf

i type in: happy

it predicts: gassy

yes, you read those last two right.  which means that if i want to create a kind message that says "i care that you are happy," i end up with this:

and if i enter the name of my sister jen, i have to cycle through ken, leo, and len before arriving to it.  how often do i say barf vs. how often i say jen?  pretty heavily weighted toward the jen side, i promise.

the other day, my friend told me that he wanted to hang out with my phone because he thought they would get along really well.  he said they'd already friended each other on facebook.  i wouldn't be surprised if my phone really did have a facebook account i didn't know about.  it's probably not safe for children.

and if i ever send you a message that says that i really barf that you're gassy, please remember that that's probably not what i mean to say.

unless it is.

update: hello again, mr. stomach flu.

i've been doing a lot of updates lately and slacking on everything else, i know. shame on me. and i've even been slacking on the updates. i've in fact been meaning to write this post for like two weeks now, but it just hasn't happened yet. (until now, at least. obviously.)

two weeks, ago, i came down with a nasty stomach bug. again. (you may recall that i had one about three months ago, too.  this was, however, not the stomach flu, as it was discovered that my mother was also sick at the same time i was.  the culprit? evil cottage cheese.)

i woke up feeling a little queasy, but went to work anyway. by an afternoon meeting, i was toast. i got sent home, where i took a two hour nap, watched too much buffy the vampire slayer on netflix, and then tried to go back to sleep.

sleep was not interested. sleep was on vacation somewhere and didn't even want to think about me. his weird cousin, Restless Dozing with Cracked-out Fever Dreams did decide to show up, though.  my fever dreams always involve trying to solve some ridiculous puzzle or completing some ridiculous task.  once i had to alphabetize my blankets.  this time, because i'd watched far too much buffy, i had to solve a buffy-centric puzzle.

it was ridiculous.

answer: pickle sandwich

eventually, around five in the morning, i got some rest.  i didn't go into work the next day, as i was still in an active state of dying.  i'd drunk all of my stomach-settling soda the day before and was out of stomach medicine, so i decided to take advantage of a brief period of feeling slightly less-dyingish and drag myself to the nearby drugstore.

it was not a fun experience, and i was not looking like my loveliest self, let me just tell you.  i wandered around the store for a bit looking like a bleary-eyed troll. eventually i found what i had come for-- Pepto Bismol, Sprite, and a pack of saltines, the classic "my stomach is going to kill me" food.

i made my way up to the checkout counter and stood in line, swaying a bit because my legs had atrophied due to the stomach plague.  i stood there for a few minutes.  then a few more.  and then i realized that there were two store clerks at the same cash register discussing sale prices with a woman with a full cart of groceries.  i was at a drug store, people.  who on earth goes grocery shopping at a drug store?  and who stands there talking about whether the 4 oz bottle of toothpaste is on sale or if it's just the stand-up 4.5 oz bottle of the same toothpaste that's on sale? and let me emphasize something here-- i was looking rough.  i was holding stomach medicine and two other stomach-settling implements.   

clearly i was not well.  clearly i was the one who actually needed to be helped and sent on my merry way before i collapsed into a heap of squishy misery and caused some kind of outbreak.  but no. oh, no.  i waited for an eternity (okay, probably like five more minutes, but still) before i finally, in my cranky brenda-is-sick-and-grumpy voice, said "oh for crying out loud," put my stuff on the counter without purchasing it, and reeled out of the store in the most dignified manner i could.

i still needed my medicine stuff, of course.  and i still looked dreadful, and i still have some sense of dignity, so i went to the creepy grocery store on the corner instead of going to one of my usual stores.  it was creepy, but whatever.  i totally blended there.  and at least i left with pink chalky goodness in tow.

booday: everybody (backstreet's back)

this is a flashback for all my fellow twentysomethings out there. you think thriller's the only halloween music video? the backstreet boys beg to differ.

backstreet's back, yo.



sidenote: you get bonus points in the Book of Brenda if you can guess who my favorite backstreet boy was. because yes, i had a favorite.

hang in there

i've been thinking a lot about this subject lately. i know this blog is, for the most part, about food and amusing stories and random bits of this and that. i don't know where this post will fit into the general tone of the blog, and i debated for a while about whether i should write it or not. but in the end, i feel like i can't not write it right now.

i've struggled with depression for the majority of my life. i have a hard time remembering a time when i didn't feel it now and then. as i got older, my diagnosis of clinical depression was changed to a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.  things were rough-- not only for me, but the people i loved and affected.  things got really rough in college.  after i graduated, things went on a pretty rapid spiral downwards and i hit absolute rock bottom somewhere around March 2007.  and then i stayed there for a while.

i don't want to go through too many details, but suffice it to say that things were dark for me.  "dark" is the only word i can even think of to describe it, and even that doesn't quite describe it all.  i thought, many times, about how much easier it would be to end things-- easier for me, easier for the ones i loved.  but because of... i don't even know what-- friends, family, god, myself, some combination of all these things-- i didn't do it.  i never took that last step.

and now, i look at my life and i am thankful every day that i decided to stay.

i know that there are countless people around the world who are feeling that same kind of darkness i went through and who are having those same thoughts-- that it would be easier, better.  that there's no point in staying.  that things are only going to get worse from here.  and i can tell you, with absolute honesty, that you're wrong.  you're wrong.  

things do get better.  i can't even express how much better they get.  a year from now, five years from now, twenty years from now, amazing things are going to happen to you-- things that right now you can't even dream of.  you can make them happen.  you have more power than you realize.  maybe right now things are terrible.  maybe right now it seems like nothing could ever get better and that you're never going to get out of this hell you're in.  but just wait.  please, just wait.  stick around and wait and see what great things are in store for you.  wait and see how powerful you really are and who you can become.

you're not alone in this.  there are people out there who want to help you if you only ask.  you don't have to go through this by yourself.  talk to someone.  find someone who will listen.  they're out there.

things will get better for you.  i cross my heart.

update: brenda vs. nature

my three lovely sisters and i are doing something called the eowyn challenge-- specifically the walk to rivendell.  we're planning to walk 458 miles (the distance from hobbiton to rivendell) in less then a year-- about ten miles a week.  today was day one.  the weather was a bit cooler than it has been recently, so i decided hey!  i'll go for a walk at lunchtime!

 it looked like it might start raining outside, but i (being a former girl scout), am always prepared.  i had a little black umbrella in my bag and i thought surely i would be fine if it started sprinkling.  sure enough, not too long after i started on my walk, it started raining.  but it was no problem!  undaunted, i opened up my little umbrella and continued on my pleasant autumn stroll.

and then the rain was joined by its rude little friend, Freakishly Strong Gusts of Wind.  and F.S.G.W (or "FissGew") does not LIKE little black umbrellas.  oh, no.  it feels that all little black umbrellas must immediately be destroyed, and before i knew it, with a mighty "fa-SHWUMP," my umbrella flipped inside out.  INSIDE OUT.  LIKE IN A CARTOON. 

but i would not be stopped.  i turned my umbrella right side out again and continued on.  F.S.G.W. was extremely offended by my pluck and vigor and decided to attack me with its full brute force.

auntie em, auntie em!

i made it to my destination-- a bookstore close to my office-- and hid out with a cup of hot cider for a little while, waiting out the rain and wind.  when the rain stopped, i ventured outside.  aaand, surprise surprise, it immediately started raining again.  but i made it the rest of the way back to the office, damp and disheveled, but unconquered. 

in the battle of brenda vs. nature, there was a clear champion today.

update: the great spider conflict

i said in a couple posts back that i would rather wake up to a spider crawling across my pillow than come face to face with a leafbug.  well, this has recently been put to the test.  apparently in the summer my apartment becomes some sort of spider theme park-- the destination for the eight-legged elite.  i've seen the little buggers crawling across the floor and promptly sucked them up with my vacuum cleaner.  my first close encounter came when i found one crawling across my chest.

i really did shriek "was it in my hair?!" over and over again. was i expecting the spider
to answer my question?  i don't know.

then i found one crawling across my leg.  spider traps caught some of them, but apparently others were too clever.  people kept telling me to call my landlord to take care of it, but i kept putting it off.  why, you ask?  bug shame.  i realize, logically, that spiders aren't like cockroaches or ants.  you don't necessarily have to invite them in with crumbs and uncleanliness.  but still!  bug shame!  i keep my apartment extremely tidy, including mopping the floors by hand every week.  i'm a little neurotic about it, and i was not a fan of the idea of being That Neighbor with the bug problem.

when i woke up one morning with three spider bites and the very real fear that i'd swallowed a spider in the night, that was the last straw.  i called my landlord and on wednesday, mr. exterminator came to give the kiss of death to all those bitey eight-legged buggers.

i spent the night at my parents' house so i wouldn't die the spider death in my sleep, then went directly from their house to work.  i didn't see my apartment until yesterday evening after work.  i was a little nervous going home, because i didn't know what to expect.  possibly something like i imagine a civil war battle field would be like.  or maybe the french revolution, with barricades and tattered flags. (and the battle may or may not have involved singing something along the lines of "doooo you hear the spiders creep?  creeping to biiiiiite you in your sleep..."*)

but no.  there's not a spider corpse in sight.  which is a good thing, don't get me wrong.  i'd rather not deal with little spider patriots crunching under my feet.  but still.  it's a little anticlimactic, i think.  after months of living in fear, it's all over after one phone call.

... or is it?

(please, yes.  i hope it is.  i don't want to be carried away in the night as a prisoner of war, please.)


*this is funnier if you know what song i'm referencing.  at least i think it's funny.

update: read-a-new-book month

did you know september is read a new book month?  i wrote about it on my company's blog here and included a list of thirty-one recommendations of new books.  they're mostly geared toward grade eight and below, but there's no shame in reading a book geared toward a younger audience, i say. personal favorites on that list include peter pan (of course), the graveyard book by neil gaiman, and the invention of hugo cabret by brian selznick.  so good.  if you haven't read them, i highly recommend checking them out.  there are also a lot of other books on the list that i'm interested to look at.  my "to read" list is about a kajillion miles long right now, but i'll get to them eventually.

right now, i'm reading the house with a clock in its walls by john bellairs, which will be followed by we have always lived in the castle by shirley jackson.  it's spooky story season, don't you know!  what are you all reading, or what are some favorites you like to recommend?  make my "to read" list longer!

in the kitchen: french toast with bananas and caramel

i'm a big fan of big breakfasts, particularly on the weekends. this is a recipe i got from a lovely cookbook called cook this, not that! by david zinczenko and matt goulding. it's full of delicious healthy meal ideas-- good alternatives when you're craving something but want a lighter option.

French Toast with Bananas and Caramel

• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 2 tablespoons orange juice
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 1/4 cup crushed walnuts
• 2 ripe bananas, sliced into 1/2-inch circles
• 1 cup milk
• 3 eggs
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 8 slices of sturdy whole-grain bread

Directions

heat the butter in a medium nonstick pan over medium heat. add orange juice and all of the brown sugar and stir to dissolve. cook for 1 to 2 minutes until bubbly. add walnuts and cook for an additional 2 minutes. add the bananas and heat through. stir in 1/4 cup milk and keep warm.

whisk together the remaining 3/4 cup milk, eggs, cinnamon, and vanilla. heat a large cast-iron skillet over medium heat. when the skillet is warm, spray with a light coating of nonstick cooking spray. working 2 pieces at a time, dip the bread into egg mixture. let soak for 30 seconds. flip each piece over and soak the other side for 30 seconds.

booday: spooky video from ghost hunters

i was watching a ghost hunters marathon the other night on syfy (does it bother anyone else that they've changed "scifi" to "syfy?").  i've never really been a fan of ghost hunters, but sometimes i like to have the tv on in the background while i do other things, and it seemed to fit with my recent spooky halloween craving.  there were some interesting little bits and pieces here and there, but this clip, from a trip they took to alcatraz, blew my mind.  it's very eerie, so if that's not your thing, then i won't blame you for not watching the video.



boo! :)

update: common side effects include...

common side effect of wearing sunscreen every day: i look like a ghostperson. the sad thing is, i am TECHNICALLY tan. compared to my stomach (which probably hasn't seen daylight since i was like... three), my arms and chest and face are tan. it's just that my natural skin color is so lily-white that even with a slight tan i look like i should be pacing the hallways of an old victorian hotel mourning my lost love. when i was a baby, i was so brown that everyone in the hospital thought i was navajo. true story. and then during my childhood, tan skin turned to freckles and i somehow transitioned to looking like a mole-person who has never seen daylight. i feel like i should get SOME sort of color in my face before winter comes, or by march i'm going to be the same color as a frog belly.

why am i writing about this, you ask? because i am wearing red lipstick today and i bear a rather shocking resemblance to this person, only less... you know. fairest-of-them-all-ish.

(note: in my head, she's clapping like stevie wonder in this picture.)

dear sun: do you think we could cut some kind of deal?  like maybe i spend some quality time with you and stop talking smack about your UV rays and you maybe promise not to cause any sun damage and turn me into splotchy mcleatherface in my golden years? let's talk.

update: happiness

do you remember that post from a while back? this one about happy moments, and how someday i hoped to be able to share my happy energy with the world?  well, i hope you all felt a little buzz saturday afternoon, because i was driving along, minding my own business, and i suddenly found myself in the middle of a happiest moment.

it kind of came out of nowhere.  i'd had an awesome morning, hanging out with a good friend. we'd gone to brunch at a wonderful place in salt lake and ate our waffles and frites at a table on the sidewalk, across from the farmer's market.  the weather was absolutely perfect-- blue skies and sunshine.  i've been aching for fall like crazy, but that morning, i was glad it was summer.  it was perfect.  after brunch, we perused the italian market next door, then went to another market that sells food one can usually only find in the UK.  an excellent brunch, a little oogling at foods i can't afford yet, and wonderful conversation. ah, happiness. <3

after i dropped my friend off at her house, i decided to keep driving.  i went for one of the new favorite drives i've discovered, heading up a canyon.  i was looking around at the trees and the mountains and i just kept thinking "i live here.  oh my gosh, i live here."  it seemed amazing, so incredibly lucky.  i was still riding on the high of my wonderful morning.  the perfect song was playing on my radio and i was surrounded by perfect scenery, and suddenly, as i rounded a corner, pop!  there i was, in the middle of a happiest moment.  all by myself, in a car, for no particular reason.  it was brief-- the sort of thing that once you realize it's happening, it starts to go away.  but it was wonderful, and i'm glad to have recognized it for what it was.

recipe: raspberry cordial from anne of green gables

at long last, i've finally gotten around to posting a recipe for raspberry cordial a la anne of green gables.  it's insanely delicious, and really quite easy.  go check it out!

wild card: fifty days and counting

i am so ready for october.  i appreciate the summer with its green trees and blue skies and pretty little hummingbird that likes to hang out outside my office window, but i am just not a summer person.  i am an autumn person.  specifically, i am an october person.  i love the chill in the air in the evenings, i love the spicy, clean smell of the leaves and the beginning hints of woodsmoke from crackling fireplaces.  i love that awkward in-between time where it's not quite cold enough for the winter coat, not quite warm enough without it, so i end up going out in a sweatshirt and scarf.  i love the rusty-gold splotches of trees on the mountains.

if you know me or you've been reading this blog, this is probably pretty obvious, but i'm going to say it anyway: halloween is my favorite holiday. everyone else in my family seems to hate it or be ambivalent toward it, but i love halloween. i don't care about the candy, and i'm not super-interested in the costumes (though i will be dressing up this year and it will be a resurrection of an obscure character i dressed up as two years ago and literally no one knew who i was, so get excited about that). my favorite part of halloween is just the atmosphere. through the month of october, i read horrible books by r.l. stein and christopher pike mixed in with genuinely good ghost stories by other authors. last year it was world war z, the works of edgar allen poe, and twentieth century ghosts by joe hill.  i only watch spooky, witchy, or ghost-related movies from october first through november first.  i go to haunted houses and haunted forests and eat molasses cookies and drink warm apple cider.

a few years ago, i was a storyteller at a "haunted village" event in salt lake.  my friend chelsey was in a production of sleepy hollow that was held in the same village and my friend callie and i told ghost stories. i had a great costume-- a ruffled shirt, long skirt, and a red velvet cloak with a hood to cover my anachronistically-short hair.  we were stationed in buildings throughout the village.  some nights i was at the mill, other nights i was at a little cottage down the road.  groups of visitors traveled through the village and would come into the buildings. sometimes there were long gaps between the groups, so i'd just sit there by myself and poke around a bit.  the mill was a little boring (except for that time the mill wheel that reportedly hadn't moved in at least five years decided to start turning and i basically had a heart attack and refused to be there by myself anymore), but the cottage had all sorts of interesting historical bits and knicknacks.  because we were trying to create a historically spooky atmosphere, there were no lights turned on in the buildings-- only candles and lanterns.  there was one night, right before halloween, that it started snowing.  i went to the back of the cottage and opened the back door that faced away from the main road.  there weren't any people walking past-- just a field and more buildings lit by lanterns.  i was holding a candle in one hand and holding my cloak closed with the other, watching the snow flurries fall like little downy feathers.  i got chills.  not because it was cold or because i was really frightened-- just because it was so deliciously... haunting.

i have nothing against summer.  really.  and i really like the spring, except for all the pollen.  winter has its moments, even.  but all of those seasons are just preludes to the main event for me-- that time of year i crave for the other eleven months.

fifty days.  but who's counting?

wild card: tilapia is the devil's fish

i hate tilapia.  i realize hate is a strong word, but i'm fairly certain it's not strong enough for the emotion i feel toward this fish.  i know what you're probably thinking.  "what?  i love tilapia!  it doesn't even taste like anything!"

this is a lie.

a few years ago, i made tilapia for the first time.  i baked it with an orangey basily sauce, and my sister loved it.  as she was singing the praises of this delectable piece of nomness, i was staring at my fish trying to figure out what happened between the plate and my tongue that turned every bite into a mouthful of potting soil.

i have avoided tilapia like the plague since then, even though it is the sweetheart of every seafood section on every menu everywhere, it seems.  and i am a huge seafood fan.  in fact, i am such a seafood fan that this past week i developed a very serious craving for fish tacos.  so i found a recipe and went to the local market where i buy my meat.  (yes, i have a local market where i specifically buy meat and cheese.  i have a separate one where i buy produce and a third where i buy shelf-stable things. because i'm a weirdo. this is why grocery shopping takes me so long.)  i went up to the fish counter and the only fish i saw was salmon and... you guessed it.  tilapia.  i asked the man behind the counter if he had any halibut hidden somewhere, but he didn't.  i asked him if i could make fish tacos out of salmon, and he said i could but a firm-fleshed fish like tilapia would be much better.  i stared at the tilapia.  it stared back.  somehow, i convinced myself to give it another chance.

oh, what a fool i was.

let's talk about the texture of this fish for a moment, shall we?  it's... wrong.  it's just wrong.  it feels like fake krab that they have to spell with a k.  i love fake krab, but it fully acknowledges that it's not natural.  tilapia, however, flaunts its weird texture like it's totally normal.  but it's not.  it's not.  still, i bit the bullet and cut up the tilapia into pieces while i was waiting for my oil to heat, trying to touch the fish as little as possible.  i dredged it and dropped it in the oil, at which point the tilapia released its full-force fishy funk.  i'm sure that would have happened with any fish, though.  cooked fish smells like fish.  that's just how it goes.  i assembled the rest of my taco and begrudgingly added the chunks of fish, telling myself that it was going to be alright.  the fish was going to be fine and the taco was going to be awesome.

i actually succeeded in chewing and swallowing the first bite, then threw everything in the garbage.

i read descriptions of tilapia as being "mild and slightly sweet," and i want to ask the people who taste anything pleasant in that fish if they are aliens.  tilapia is not mild, nor is it slightly sweet.  it tastes like a mouthful of basement.  and i think i gave it a fair shot, too-- two chances to prove itself tasty to me.  never again, devil fish.  never again.

update: five-and-a-half-hour drives to nowhere

okay, first of all, i don't know how, exactly, one sustains a thumb injury while sleeping, but my thumb is MESSED UP today.  what was i doing in my sleep last night?  playing nintendo?  thumb-wrestling a viking?

ouch.

anyway, last week was rough.  there wasn't a specific reason for it being so rough, really.  it was just one of those weeks where my general surliness attracted all sorts of bad stuff and by the end of the week i was pretty much surrounded by a ball of angry crap. so saturday, i took the day off.  i know saturday is technically the weekend and is already a day off, but for me, saturdays are always filled with cleaning, laundry, mopping, grocery shopping, planning menus, and all that stuff.  so instead of doing those things, i hopped in my car and went for a drive.  for five and a half hours. 

i went to my favorite, prettiest, middle-of-nowhere places where i had room to breathe and relax and scrape off some of the collected crap of my week.  at first i was a little zoned out, just taking deep breaths and looking at nature and barely thinking at all.  then i was cranky.  then, i finally started to reflect on why i was so dang cranky and what i could do about it.  turns out, i was mostly cranky because things weren't going exactly how i wanted them to.  i would plan one thing and something completely different would happen.

if there's one thing i've learned in the past year and a half, it's that everything happens for a reason.  everything.  i've started seeing my life as a big puzzle in which every incident is an important, interlocking part of the whole.  like if that girl hadn't said that hurtful thing in the sixth grade, then i wouldn't have felt this way, and then this and this and this wouldn't have happened, and then that wouldn't have led up to this wonderful thing that happened in my life. (actually, once i started seeing all of the connections, i actually got a little freaked out for a while because it was like i had just opened a door and gotten a rather sublime peek at the intricate workings of the universe without meaning to.)  with that in mind, i started picking apart all of these things that were happening that weren't going the way i wanted them to.  instead of dwelling on what had or hadn't happened as planned, i started thinking about what good things might (or already had) come from the change of plans.

goodness, i felt so much better after that. it really helps to be able to identify what i'm feeling and why i'm feeling it, honestly recognize my feelings as being valid, and then pick them apart and resolve them. after i started resolving things, i kept going, driving fast with the windows down, down roads hardly anyone else even seems to know about.  i could feel all the bad feelings just sloughing off and getting left on the road behind me like little dirt clods.  by the time i got back to my apartment (minus half a tank of gas, plus a sunburnt left arm) i was feeling oh so much better-- like when you step out of the shower all nice and clean after a very grungy day.  it was lovely.

today, i feel grateful for the changes of plans in my life, for the puzzle pieces that are fitting together to create something that i can't see quite yet.  i'm grateful for this state i live in, with all of its beautiful places to disappear to.  i'm grateful for my little black car and my freedom to make my own choices, and i'm grateful for all of the people who have taught me the important lessons i didn't really want to learn.  i'm even grateful for my messed-up thumb.  and i'm sure someday, i'll figure out why.

wild card: zombie apocalypse

yesterday morning, my alarm went off as usual. i got up and staggered across the room to turn it off, then flopped back down on my bed and curled up. i had every intention of getting up, but it didn't quite happen.  i woke up an hour and a half later feeling rather disoriented and out of sorts.  i looked at the clock and grumbled, then curled back up again.  as i slowly started to come to my senses, i noticed something.  i could hear screaming outside-- shrill, distant screams mixed with lower ones.  it sounded like muted, muffled bedlam.  i opened my eyes and stared at the glass doors that lead out onto my balcony.  and for a moment i was absolutely positively certain that there was a zombie apocalypse going on outside.  i expected at any moment to hear a bang on my door or hear the front windows break.

it was the wind, of course.  just the wind, doing something strange as it whipped between the buildings in my apartment complex.  but for a moment, just a second or two, i had this genuine sinking feeling of "oh... crap.*"

clearly i have watched too many movies and read too many books.  (incidentally, if you are interested in zombie apocalypses and the like, allow me to suggest the book World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War by max brooks. it's a history of a fictional zombie apocalypse and goes from the first signs of the outbreak through the main conflict and into the aftermath and world recovery, and it is wonderfully, alarmingly believable.)














*Note: the "oh crap" feeling was quickly followed by a series of thoughts that included "i bet it started at the school" (meaning the university on the hill above my neighborhood) and "i'm on the third floor, so it will take them a while to get up here."  at least i keep my head in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

newsday: HOLY AMAZING.

works of art small enough to fit into the eye of a needle. "I was moving her (an Alice in Wonderland sculpture) to the eye of the needle and I looked in the microscope and she was gone. I think I inhaled her."

update: just a phase

i've probably said it before, but i am remarkably set in my ways for only being twenty-six years old.  i'm practically fossilized.  recently, though, i've been watching a lot of people move into different phases of their lives. my sister got married and moved across the country to start a new phase of her life with her husband. another friend is preparing to get married in about two weeks.  another friend just moved to california and yet another just found out that she's going to be moving to houston, where her husband just got a new job.  my parents are trying to decide whether they're ready to move into a new phase as well and move to a different area.  at first, i was struggling with all of these changes.  it frustrated me, angered me.  then, honestly, it depressed me.  i had picked my niche that i wanted to stay in for the rest of my life.  i had my plans.  but then, everything started changing around me and disrupting all of those plans.  a few weeks ago, though, a little thought started forming in my head.

this is just a phase.

this spot that i've settled myself into is only temporary.  i'm twenty-six years old, and while that seems incredibly old and mature sometimes, i'm sure twenty-six years from now i'll realize that i'm still a baby at this age.  i still have so much ahead of me.  and how boring would it be if i stayed in exactly the same spot i'm in now for all those years?  what a waste.

there's a book that i read tidbits from now and then.  it talks about how to achieve one's dreams.  near the beginning of the book, it lists some questions to ask ourselves to determine what, exactly, that dream goal is.  what would you do if you only had one year to live?  what would you do if you had a hundred years to live? what would you do if you didn't have to worry about money?  there were more, by my answer was the same to every single one: i would write.

technically, i already write.  i'm a sales writer, and i create documents to fill needs in our company or to bring in revenue.  it's a good job, but it's not the job i would do forever.  i like it, but i don't have a passion for it.  when i dream about writing, i dream about writing for myself, writing what i want to write and creating something beautiful and powerful, not revenue-generating.

when i was talking a friend about this recently, she asked me what my ideal job would be, and i said "well, ideally, i want to get paid for writing what i want to write.  but doesn't everyone?"  then i started coming up with other things i could do that might be satisfying, because every writer wants to write their stuff and get paid for it, and no one really does.  except the ones that do.  people do get paid for writing. every day.  so, why, exactly, would i decide now that i'm not one of those people?  why on earth would i have any less right to that than any of the others?

so i've decided that i've had enough of settling.  i'm not going to settle into this spot that i'm in now because i can't get anything better.  enough of that.  i'm twenty-six and i'm young and i have every right to do what i want to do with my life, and dang it, i want to write.  so that's what i'm going to do.

i have my eye on a low-residency creative writing MFA program in oregon.  there's no way on earth i'm good enough to get in yet, but i can be.  i'm going to start out by actually working on my own writing and exercising my weak little creative writing muscles.  then, i'm going to enroll in some classes at a local university so i can get some more practice and input and direction and also get some practice with literary criticism.  then, i'm going to apply to one of the program's yearly ten-day residencies-- just the residency to start out with so i can get a feel for things.  then, if all goes well, i'll apply for the full program.

it's a little terrifying to think about, actually.  but it's roller-coaster terror-- equal parts fear and excitement.

gosh, i can't wait to see what happens next.

update kinda sorta: new plan for the snoop bloggy blog

okay, so here's the thing:  this whole expectation i've placed on myself to post every day thing just isn't working.  if i miss a day, it tends to snowball because i don't want to write the next day because i'd have to make up for the day before that i missed, and then i get all "NOOO BLOOOOG RUN AWAAAAAY!"  so new plan!  i will post three times a week.  i promise.  and i will probably mostly stick to the plan that i set up earlier this year as to what will be posted on what day, but  i will occasionally stray.  and i'm okay with that.  right?  right.  fistbump.

photos: wonderful wedding in the wild west of wyoming!

finally, the photos from the wedding my sister and i attended in wyoming! this was our friend carrie's wedding. it was absolutely beautiful. and thanks to a smudge on my camera lens, i got to capture carrie's happy wedding glow. : )

photos: bruce and fred's excellent adventure (part 2)

first, an explanation of the title of these posts.  yes, it is a play off of bill and ted's excellent adventure, as paige cleverly noted in her comment on the last post.  (come back soon, paige, i miss you!)  a few years back, callie and i started calling each other bruce and fred.  i am bruce, callie is fred.  why?  i don't know.  because we are awesome, clearly, and transcend reason.

anyway, more pictures! we started the day with a hike along the river. it was lovely, and nice and shady. we went down by the river, but i didn't want to go in due to the threat of the domestic river kraken. then a squirrel got all up in callie's business and was like "food? you has? i wants!!" after the hike, we went back to the hotel and relaxed a little, then headed back toward the park for our stupid-awesome dinner. so amazing. and the view from the table was beautiful.  we were very sad when it was over.  tears were shed.

the next day, we had ice cream and rain, and then sat on the porch in rocking chairs, not wanting to move. then we headed home! yay adventure!

i feel lucky, oh so lucky...

so remember that time i was running around trying to finish all of my errands (of which there were many) and ended up stepping on a nail that went into my foot and then had to drive myself to the emergency room?  i remember that.  good times.  by which i mean "ow."

photos: bruce and fred's excellent adventure (part 1)

bruce and fred's excellent adventure! (part 1)


i've broken these up to make them a little more easily digestible.  so here is part 1: roses, old thinggies and rubble (oh my)!


and i still can't figure out how to arrange these photos with text the way i want them (even using the caption thinggie) so you are just going to have to go captionless.  also, if i try and arrange them in an appealing way, they go all "i jump to the beginning now, okay!  lol!!"  booooo, pictures.  boooooo blogger.

anyway, if a picture is a mystery to you, you can make something up for it.  it's like a game!

update: adventure report!

goodness, i have got to stop doing this to you nice people!  i know i hate it when people don't update their blogs for forever, and here i am doing it myself.  shame on me.

 my last (very brief) post said that i was out having adventures.  and adventures i have had! are you ready for the Exclusively Exclusive Adventure Report?

Exclusively Exclusive Adventure Report

It's Exclusive!

independence day
independence day was celebrated by eating grilled hot dogs and watching toy story 3 with my delightful parents.  i was hoping to be able to see fireworks from my balcony, but no such luck.  the trees were just baaaarely too tall.  that weekend, i also celebrated my friend callie's birthday by eating delicious curry and engaging in general frolicsomeness.

bruce and fred's excellent adventure

after an insanely busy week at work, i escaped with the above-mentioned callie on a weekend road trip!  our first stop on the trip was the topaz internment camp located outside of delta.  i'd never been there and neither had callie, so we didn't really know what to expect, really.  it was wonderful in very unexpected ways.  on the way there, we drove past a memorial rose garden.  so naturally, we stopped to smell the roses and contemplate life. 
 
continuing down the road toward delta, we drove past some very interesting old buildings.  i'm a desperate sucker for old, decrepit buildings, so i stopped to take pictures and callie was very patient with me. finally, we found our way to the Great Basin Museum, which was curated by a very friendly and excitable older gentleman who told us all sorts of interesting facts.  part of the museum was devoted to mining and geology, and another part was devoted to the history of delta, including clothes, books, household appliances, and the like.  guess which part i spazzed out about like a kid in willy wonka's chocolate factory. (hint: OMG OLD THINGS!!)

we did find a section of the museum devoted to topaz, but there wasn't much in it.  there was a recreation of one of the barracks, but we still wanted to see more.  we found out from the curator that the site of the camp is actually several miles outside of delta.  he gave us a map and we drove out into the middle of nowhere to the site.  we were looking for buildings or ruins or something, but couldn't see anything.  we wandered a bit more in the car before i realized that we were driving through the camp.  there was just nothing that was still standing.  we got out of the car and wandered about for a bit.  there was a lot of rubble-- broken stoves with chimneys still standing, broken dishes and jars, discarded piles of wood.  there were also whole patches of ground just covered with rusted nails.  it was eerie.  it looked like the buildings that had held those nails had just dissolved.  i know that's unlikely-- they were probably just discarded there as people disassembled the buildings.  but still.  eerie. 

after wandering around for a bit more, we headed back into the car and continued on our way to the ultimate destination-- zion national park.  we arrived at our hotel after quite a bit of flailing. the room smelled like something had died horribly in it, but it had a bed.  that's all that mattered, really.  we got a good night's rest and then headed into the park the next morning.  we took the shuttle up the canyon and got out at the temple of sinawava to go exploring.  it was early in the morning, so there weren't many people there.  it was so deliciously quiet.  we could hear the river and the birds winging and the squirrels and lizards rustling through the bushes.  we went on the river walk, where we took lots of pictures and callie was assaulted by a very cheeky squirrel who wanted to steal our granola bars.  we also went down to the river, but i didn't go in for fear of river krakens. 

that evening, we went to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants-- parallel eighty-eight.  words cannot describe the deliciousness of our food, so i will encourage you to look at the photos coming in the next post so i can let pictures speak for us.  also, the view from the table is stupid-awesome.  

the next day, we both had a hard time getting out of bed.  eventually we made our way back into the park.  it was ridiculously hot that day, so we decided not to bother with hiking and ate ice cream instead.  it started raining, but we defied the rain and refused to hide.  after we finished our ice cream, we sat on rocking chairs on the porch of the lodge and just stared at the stupidly beautiful view until we finally admitted that it was time to pack up and go home. it was such an awesome trip.  i'm so glad we got to go. 
 
adventures in wyoming 
 my sister jennifer is home visiting this month.  her visit happened to coincide with the wedding of a mutual friend whom she met at field school and i met at jen's wedding.  her name is carrie, and she's the sparkliest, most wonderful person ever, pretty much.  i adore her.  the wedding was in cheyenne, wyoming.  the week before the wedding was another insanely busy one in which i had zero (0) time to pack and prepare, so we were a bit later getting on the road than we would have liked.  it was a looooong driiiiive.  but it was rather beautiful in parts, and the stars were ridiculously beautiful when the sun went down.  sooo many stars when you're out in the middle of nowhere. we got to our hotel in cheyenne around one o'clock.  we'd made a reservation, but they'd given our room away because they thought we weren't coming, so we got an upgrade to a king suite.  that bed was quite literally the best bed i have ever encountered.  it was like heaven.  heaven.  words cannot describe this bed.  oh my goodness. 

after a good night's sleep (and early-morning nap), we got dressed and went to carrie's wedding.  it was held at the cheyenne botanical gardens, which were in full bloom for the occasion. carrie looked beautiful. at the end of the ceremony, the officiant told a native american story about the origin of the butterfly.  he said that if we tell our wishes to a butterfly, they would carry it up to the great spirit for us.  carrie and chris opened a box full of butterflies and let them loose.  i wish i would have gotten better pictures of it (so many butterflies!) but i was busy crying my face off. 

after that was the reception at the plains hotel.  i really wanted a cowboy to come in with spurs a-janglin' but no such luck.  the whole town just has such an interesting old-west feel.  i bet wyoming as a whole slew of decrepit old buildings just waiting to be explored!  (OMG, old things!)  anyway, back on topic.  stop distracting me.  the reception was lovely and carrie was all sorts of wonderful.  i love that girl, and the ridiculous drive was completely worth it. and we were treated to a beautiful sunset on our way home. pictures in the next post!  (because i cannot figure out how to make the pictures and text fit well in this one post, because i'm a technological genius like that.)

brb!

brb!  having adventures!

retro movie flashback: the man in the iron mask (1998)

title: the man in the iron mask
year: 1998
rating: ★1/2




summary: fresh off the success of titanic, leonardo dicaprio decides to see exactly how fast he can make alexandre dumas turn in his grave. he lures jeremy irons, john malkovich, and gabriel byrne onto the set with a promise of an intensely dramatic interpretation of a newly-discovered shakesperean play. gerard depardieu, he lures with a pork chop. once he has his new toys in his dastardly playhouse, he forces them to act out a hideous farce, performing one horror after another.

also, something about the three musketeers and a man in an iron mask and twins or something.

books and biscuits: anne of green gables review

go peek at my review of anne of green gables over at books and biscuits!

wild card: Dr. Brenda and Miss Angryface McHungry

i don't like to use medical diagnoses as excuses for things.  this wasn't always the case; i have leaned a bit too heavily on the crutch of diagnoses in the past, either consciously or subconsciously. however, a little over a year ago i made the conscious decision to not let said diagnoses rule my life.  i am in control.  i am the big boss in brendaland.  the key to not letting things get the better of me is keeping them under control and bringing them to a point where i'm not consciously dealing with them every day.  but there is one condition that i really do have to deal with every day, no matter how much i want to pretend i don't.  it reared its ugly head yesterday (twice actually) and i fear that some innocent bystanders were injured during the outbreak.

i'm hypoglycemic.  and this means that if i get too hungry, i will unhinge my snake jaw and bite your face off.  (only metaphorically so far, thank goodness.) one friend who i used to work with picked up on this and would ask me if i forgot to eat lunch whenever he'd find me hunched at my desk like a fire-eyed gargoyle, hissing at anything that passed by me.




(yeah, kind of like that. only instead of the prom, it's somebody breathing too loudly.  and instead of teenage hormones, it's because i'm eating lunch five seconds after i should have.)

i'm finding that hypoglycemia is my absolute enemy in my current quest to have a healthy relationship with food.  if i go too long before eating, bad things happen.  bad food happens.  let me illustrate with a brief piece from the off-broadway play "Miss Angryface McHungry." (the role of the stomach was originally played by mark wahlburg.)

stomach: i'm hungry.

me: just a second, we're almost home.  traffic is just a little heavier than usual.

stomach: no, seriously, i'm hungry.

me: wait.  you're fine.  you're not going to starve to death in the next two minutes.

stomach: hungryhungryhungryhungryHUNGRYHUNGRYHUNGRYHUNGRY!!

me: SHUT UP YOU'RE FINE OH MY GOSH WHY IS THIS PERSON IN FRONT OF US TAKING SO LONG I HATE HIM I HATE HIS CAR I HATE HIS MOTHER I HATE EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD I HATE BREATHING OH MY GOSH AIR WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID.

stomach: (holding a shaking gun to my head like a desperate junkie) GIVE ME A TACO SERIOUSLY PULL THE CAR OVER RIGHT THIS SECOND AND BUY A TACO AND ALSO FIVE OF EVERYTHING ELSE ON THE MENU OR I WILL KILL YOU IN THE FACE.

me: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR HULK SMASH!!

aaaand scene.

so what can we learn from this seemingly pointless post? 

1)  if i turn into a seven-headed bearmonster around mealtime and insult you, your mother, or some other loved one, it's probably nothing personal. however, you should probably just avoid me around mealtime if at all possible.

2)  i should have a siren on top of my car as a warning when i'm driving hungry.

3) i really need to remember my between-meal snacks. (snacky the snack says "only you can stop hanger (hunger+anger) crimes.")

top fiveish: top five (possibly) irrational fears

the other day, i was talking with some of my friends about neurosis. one of my friends is afraid of horses.  another is afraid of mice.  and another is afraid that something's going to happen to her when she's away from home and people are going to find out how messy her house is.  (this isn't actually as silly as i first thought, because when my mother came to tend to me while i had the stomach flu, i was intensely relieved that my house was clean and i wasn't caught lying about in squalor.)

so in the spirit of this, i present to you my top five (possibly) irrational fears.





5.  leaf bugs and stick bugs

i don't know what it is about stick bugs and leaf bugs that bothers me so much.  (i honestly just got the heeby-jeebies writing those words. ugh.)  i would actually rather wake up to a spider crawling across my pillow than a stick bug.  whenever we go to the zoo together, my sister turns my face away from the insect display with a giant stick bug in it, because i never remember where it is and she probably doesn't want me to lose my mind in the middle of the zoo.  and believe me, i would lose my mind.  once upon a time, i was trapped in my apartment by a leaf bug.  this is a true story.  i was living with my sister at the time, and our apartment complex was surrounded by trees.  i was home alone and opened the door to go do something-- run an errand, take out the trash, i don't know.  and there, outside my door, on the rail of the stairs, was a leaf bug.  a big, huge, green, red-eyed thing.  i immediately slammed the door and hid, periodically checking outside to see if it was still there.  eventually, i determined that i really must leave, so i armed myself with a broom and ventured forth.  when i nudged the bug with a broom, it flew at me.  at me.  and i am not ashamed to admit that i screamed.  full-on screamed, like i was being attacked by a rabid wolf.




4. birds getting caught in my hair

this has never happened to me before in my life, so i really don't know where this fear comes from.  i don't mind looking at birds through windows.  far from it-- i think they're absolutely lovely.  but i'm afraid to get near birds because i am terrified that one is going to somehow get caught in this nest of hair i have.  i don't know why.  (did you know fabio once got hit in the face by a seagull?  true story.)



3.  earthquakes (but not for the reason you think)

i think earthquakes are a perfectly legitimate fear, what with the mess of them we've been having lately.  but the fear that i'm referencing here is not a fear that an earthquake is going to come and destroy my happy city.  no.  what i'm afraid of is that it's going to come in the middle of the night and i'm going to have to go running outside in my underwear.  yep.  (now that i think about it, i have a similar fear of falling and knocking myself unconscious while taking a shower.  hmm.)



2.  clockwork robots

not regular, digital-age robots so much, but i have a mortal fear of clockwork robots. this fear was discovered when i was playing a computer game called City of Heroes.  i was perfectly okay fighting the squishy, fly-ridden zombies.  no problem.  but when a clockwork robot popped up, i freaked out and got out of there as fast as i could, with a serious case of the heeby jeebies.  bleh.  i don't know what about them freaks me out so much, but oh, i do not like them.  no no no.  unfortunately, this means i have to avoid most steampunk-related things and have been strictly forbidden from watching Hellboy II.




1.   krakens/sea monsters/forgotten dinosaurs

i'm afraid of water.  one reason that i'm afraid of water is because i have nearly drowned on multiple occasions.  another reason that i'm afraid of water is because i'm afraid there is a monster in there.  let's be honest.  there's a lot of freaky stuff living in the ocean.  how, exactly, do we know that there are not krakens, sea monsters, or long-forgotten toothy sea-dinosaurs living down there?  hmm?  and how do we know that said krakens, sea monsters, or long-forgotten toothy sea-dinosaurs don't have smaller cousins living in the depths of particularly murky lakes?  we don't know.  and you can't convince me that we do.  i will be staying safely on the shore, thank you very much.  fully-dressed, in case there's a natural disaster, and wearing a large hat with which to frighten away seagulls.

update?: note to self.

note to self: the day after you have a nasty case of the stomach flu, you are not automatically healed and able to do everything you want to. so you probably shouldn't try, because if you do, you will end up curled up on the sofa in a cold sweat wanting to die a little. uuuuugh.

also, i'm not sure what is happening in my neck of the woods, but i have heard a ton of sirens this morning. i hope everything is alright.

and now, have some hilarious illness-related posts from the brilliant hyperbole and a half (because i am to busy whimpering like a small dog to post anything i wrote myself.)

• texas
• i'm definitely not dead

nnngh

stomach fluuuuuuuuu. kill me. surviving off of peppermints and ice chips at the moment, provided by my loving mother.

back when i return from the dead.

retro movie flashback: the rocketeer (1991)

title: the rocketeer
year: 1991
rating: ★★ 1/2



summary: just before wwII, a dashing young pilot named cliff finds a jet pack-- a jet pack desired by many for various reasons. he uses the jet pack to become a bit of a local hero after saving a friend from a plane crash. however, his foxy girlfriend, jenny, doesn't see him as much of a hero. she's frustrated with his one-track piloty mind, which leads to much drama. also, nazis. and a blimp.

review: this movie came out around the same time that my family got cable. therefore, i watched this movie about a kajillion times when i was a kid. rewatching it, i was surprised to see how many actors i recognized. (locke from lost, jan levinson from the office, that one guy from that thing...)

the movie didn't hold up to the pure, unadulterated awesomeness that it held in my head, but it was still pretty entertaining. very melodramatic in a purposeful way-- clear-cut good versus evil, the sort you'd like to see from a 50's serial. plus, the costumes were pretty and i loved the old hollywood glamor. sigh! a good movie, for sure. not my absolute favorite, but i'm glad i got to see it again.

books and biscuits: roast cornish hen and corn pudding

go on over to books and biscuits for a recipe from the pages of jacob have i loved-- roast cornish hen and corn pudding!

in the kitchen: white bean and spinach dip

this stuff is so, so good. so good. it's great with pita chips or crackers or on hamburgers or in a million other ways, i'm sure. deeelicious. i got it over at food network. the original recipe is by that weirdo with the manic smile who pronounces "parmigiano-reggiano" like it's a curse word.

• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 12 ounces baby spinach
• 1 (15-ounce) can cannelloni beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
• 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Directions

In a large nonstick skillet, heat 1 tablespoon of the oil, over medium heat. Add the garlic and cook until fragrant, about 1 minute. Add 1/2 of the spinach and cook for 2 minutes until wilted. Repeat with the remaining spinach. Let the mixture cool for a few minutes.

Place the remaining olive oil, spinach mixture, cannelloni beans, lemon juice, balsamic vinegar, salt, and pepper in the bowl of a food processor. (i used a blender and it worked just fine!)

Blend until the mixture is smooth.

newsday: why am i still calling this newsday?

for today's newsday, i bring you... random bits and pieces about perfume.

• i have a minor addiction to black phoenix alchemy labs (or "bpal" or "scent-cocaine" or "that thing that i always want to spend money on"), which creates scents based on things like books, songs, characters, legends, locations, and other such things. you should go look at it, and buy things, and join the cult of bpal. my personal favorite is delirium. "Non compos mentis, indeed! A contrary, conflicted scent, bubbling with merry madness. Contains apple, rose, and lemon."  mmmm.
• the wikipedia article on perfume is really, really interesting. you should totally go read it. i would start quoting facts from there, but really... just read it.
• also, did you know that you cannot always smell the scent of violets? that's why violet is usually paired with other things, as the scent of pure violet would be inconsistent. it's considered a flirty sense for that reason-- here, then gone, then back. a little nose-tease.
• also also, there is a place in bulgaria called rose valley, which produces 85% of the rose oil in the world.  can you imagine walking into that valley?  goodness.

update: we'll pretend this one is on time, too!

okay, i can hear you. “what the heck, b? did you fall off the planet again? where are the updates?”

answer: no, i did not fall off the earth. yes, i still love you. yes, i still remember how to write. (i think. wait… yes, i do.)

so here’s a brief update: work is still workish. there have been a couple of disappointments with some of the applications and bids i’ve written for my company not being accepted. i was at a 100% acceptance rate until the friday before last, which isn’t bad for having been there eleven months. but still, the perfectionism in me runs deep.

saturday, i went over to my friend britt’s house for brunch and world cup soccer. good company, delicious food, soccer—pretty much perfect. that evening, i went to my very first rodeo! i really liked the bronco riding (even though it involved uncomfortable junk irritation for the broncos in question) and the barrel racing. there was also an event where they released range cows that had never been milked before and teams chased them around trying to milk them. it was rather amusing. i felt bad for all of the events that involved calf roping or wrestling or general harassment. whenever a calf got away, i cheered. (and occasionally sang “born free.”)

for father’s day on sunday, i went to my parents’ house and made my daddy dinner—grilled chicken, macaroni salad, and cherry pie. i still have some things to learn about grilling, and my dad declared my macaroni salad “a little intense,” but it was good all in all.

i’m also on the quest to find an exercise that i actually enjoy doing. i checked a belly dancing dvd out from the library. it’s belly dancing for beginners, so i thought surely i’d be able to handle it. false. no. i can get up to the part where they activate the snakes living in their bellies and start doing all these crazy undulations. “lower abs, upper abs, upper back. upper back, upper abs, lower abs.” look, lady. i’m pretty sure i have one muscle in my stomach, and it is called “stomach muscle.” it is a single unit, and moves as a single unit, and oh my gosh how is your stomach moving like that?! i’m planning on giving it another shot, but i’m also still on a quest for the perfect exercise. preferably one that doesn’t involve me stomping and jumping around. i’d like to keep my downstairs neighbors from hating me for now.

alright, that’s all for now! hope you’re all doing well!

friends! countrymen! blog-readers!

hello!  i'll be coming back soon with recipes and such, but i just wanted to pop in with a quick request.  i now have a little gadget down at the bottom of the right column that lists my readers.  (i shall pause while you look.)

as you can see, it is currently very sad-looking, with only my sister jennifer following at the moment.  doesn't she look lonely?  you should probably click that little button that says "follow" right there and keep her some company.  and while you're at it, head over to books and biscuits and follow me there, too!  you know you want tooooo.

thank you for your time and attention.  we now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.

newsday: interesting tidbits about cemeteries

i've been really interested in cemeteries lately. i was going to say that i'm not sure why, but i think i do know why. i mean, last month i visited the cemetery in eureka. last week, i visited my grandfather's cemetery in washington state. i also just finished reading her fearful symmetry by audrey niffenegger, which is about graves and ghosts, and stiff: the curious lives of human cadavers by mary roach, which also talks about cemeteries and graveyards. i think it would be strange if i wasn't really interested in cemeteries, i think.

regardless, here are some interesting articles and websites i've recently read regarding cemeteries, gravesites, and the like.

• here is an article about a graveyard of gladiators found in britain.
• here is an article about a nail found from the time of christ's crucifixion, surrounded by the remains of knights templar.
• and here are some websites with interesting information about what the symbols on gravestones mean. click here and here!

books and biscuits: review of jacob have i loved

head on over to books and biscuits for my review of jacob have i loved, as well as a description of my pickled lime shame.

update: it's on time! you like it!

i'm doing that blog post procrastination thing again.  i just feel kind of vegetableish right now.  broccolian, if you will.

i'm sitting on my bed right now looking out the glass doors that lead out onto my balcony, and i've gotta say... way to go, utah.  way to be gorgeous right now.  we've been getting quite a bit of rain this season, and things are amazingly green.  i went for a drive yesterday and happened upon this gorgeous view of the sun coming through rainclouds and falling on brilliantly green foothills.  it really was beautiful.  unfortunately, i didn't have my camera with me, so you will all just have to believe me that it was beautiful.  i'm sure i'll head in that direction again at some point in my wanderings, and i'll try and remember a camera next time.

i've lived in utah for nearly eleven years, and it occurred to me recently that i don't actually know my state very well.  i know the areas i've lived in.  i know salt lake city.  and i know southern utah, because i spent many of my childhood summers down there and have since made a regular pilgrimage down to zion national park.  but that's the limit of my knowledge.  so i've decided to learn more about it.  i don't mean read books about it or anything.  i'm more of a learn-by-doing sort of girl, and i do love adventures.  so my learning has pretty much consisted thus far of pointing my car in a direction and heading in said direction until i feel like turning around.  it's been rather pleasant so far.  so if any of my gentle readers aren't from utah and feel like visiting, i can give you a heck of a driving tour of cool locations.  (also, i can tell you where to eat.  name a food genre and i will find you some local tasty eats you can't find elsewhere.  no chain restaurants on my watch, thank you very much.)

so that's about it for now, as far as updates go.  now i need to write a review of a book and pretend like it isn't two days late.  whoo!

retro movie flashback: batman (1989)

title: batman
year: 1989
rating: ★★★

wild card: a thoughtful thought.

around this time last year, a friend and i went on a little trip up a canyon near where i live. we lit a fire and roasted hot dogs and had a fantastic time.  it was an awesome night, and one that i'll remember for a long, long time.  as i was lugging a cord of wood from his car to our campsite, which was about a hundred million miles away, a thought occurred to me.  since then, this thought has popped up again and again, usually when i'm having a crappy day and nothing seems to be going right.

with more than six and a half billion people living on the earth right now, chances are good that at this moment-- this one you're in right now as you're reading this-- at least one of those people is having one of the happiest moments of their lives. not just a good moment, but a perfect moment-- something deep and warm and glowing that they will never ever forget.

isn't that a beautiful thought?  someone is absolutely radiating happiness right this very second.  and if i stop and think about it, i can share in that happiness.  i can be happy just because they are happy.  and maybe when my perfect moment comes, someone else out there in this big crazy world might catch a bit of it and smile for no particular reason.